A Toasty Question: Part Uno

Why is it that while having a great laugh it begins to hurt?

Why do your kidneys hurt when you laugh so hard? Why not the lungs?

-Toasty Toast

Finding the Incomplete

I have searched for you since I met you,

however, finding you I still feel blue.

The rays of hope I intended to find,

did nothing more than make me blind.

How could looking for this long lost love,

end up feeling like a violent shove

Against everything I once believed to be right

Against everything my life once deemed bright

What happened to the love I wished to relight?

Where is this grand plan I had in hand?

I'm afraid it has been struck with blight...

It is a dream that will never take flight...

So where do I go from here?

When you are not even near.

I can just listen to your voice

but still there is no rejoice

I have found you once more,

But I am afraid that I may just be a bore.

A nuisance if I may,

one that you might wish not to stay...

I have found the incomplete,

and have also found myself to be obsolete.

The vessel that once overflowed for me,

no longer thrives like the sea.

Your love that I cherished so fondly,

is now pitted against your mercy.

Time has destroyed what we had,

I can do nothing more than feel sad.

I have given up...

There is nothing more I can do...

Just say one final, "I love you."

Dedicated to my little (Secret)

She who once filled my life with the greatest joy, whom I wished I had met sooner...

The only one to ever take Toasty's burnt heart,

The only one who was actually smart,

to see through my charade

to see through my mask

the only one I wished had stayed

the one I wish I could ask

for something more than just a token

to heal what I now deemed to be broken

-Toasty Toast

She changed my life what can I say. When you meet someone truly genuine then you would understand as well. No worries, I'm not depressed. I just long for that which time took.

5 years have been since we last truly talked, and I feel that I will never have you again. I hope I'm not stupid for posting this online. I feel better already however. I hope she reads this, and I hope everyone reading this feels the words as well. Because this is what happens when...

When you find the incomplete

Uncle Toasty's Story Time - Part 1

Story Time Guys:

Ok, so my hot advisor found out I like her. (Pic related)

Okay so at my school we have faculty advisors that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisors help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisors. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internship opportunities and junk. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into the office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just Salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wildberries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when crap really hits the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, you're account name is [my name] and your password is ... 'depewissexy'..."

Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want to keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed, I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating Salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I wanted to keep to myself.

Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.

Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath his massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming annoyance for the bear. Its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which I could climp to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.

FIN

(Read this in some obscure forum I visit and I had to share with you this great piece)